Dating a guy in finance? Here's why you shouldn't.
And why I think they usually can throw enough money around for people not to question their behaviour.
One of my last posts was about the worst date I’ve had yet with yes, a guy who worked in finance who happened to be my ex. Specifically, he was an investment banker analyst - or so he told me. I have no idea, the guy seemed to have no social media footprint at all or any online presence to speak of, so I couldn’t corroborate anything.
But alas, I digress.
Today’s post is about yet another of these repeat offenders in the finance sector. So without any further ado, let’s jump straight into this dumpster fire.
They’ve literally never been told “no” or called out for their behaviour
Perhaps it’s a trait of toxic masculinity (say that in Jordan Peterson’s voice), but I genuinely wonder whether or not these guys in finance have ever been told no or called out by anyone. Whether that’s for crappy behaviour or just being haughty for no reason, surely someone would have said something, right?
Wrong.
Perhaps I’m making a grand generalisation here, but my view is that these guys who work in finance usually make far too much money, get to dress in nice suits, hang around in their “boys clubs” at work and can usually buy whoever they want and whatever they want - whether that’s women, things, you name it. And often because they’re the ones who are earning so much, what they say goes - and no one ever calls them out if they have crap behaviour.
Certainly with my ex when I called out his appalling behaviour towards a number of waiters and waitresses at a lovely London restaurant, he seemed genuinely surprised and confused. I remember him clearly saying to me “you’re so nice to everyone” after I was diffusing the situation with one of the waiters he was being so obnoxious to.
Now that was shocking to me. How is it the unexpected to be nice? And more importantly, why is it seemingly so difficult to be nice?
From my perspective, you always treat people with kindness and respect. I don’t care if you’re the King of England, if you’re some hotshot lawyer, doctor, beekeeper, whatever, being nice shouldn’t be the exception in society and everyone deserves to be treated with the same level of respect.
Not only this, but I’ve noticed that the sense of entitlement among these guys in finance is insane. Couple that with expectations of what they think women should wear, act and behave like and you’ve got a recipe for an asshole.
Don’t tell me what to wear, thanks
One ‘finance bro’ I had a drink with seemed pleasant enough at first, but for some reason was fixated on the idea of me wearing an LBD (little black dress in case you don’t know) the next time we got a drink.
This was basically my reaction.
I’ve never in my life been told what to wear by anyone, save my mom when I was a kid on what I could and couldn’t wear to school (her pink high heels were not one of them), and teachers back in the day when my hair was too long and “wasn’t off my shoulders.” But certainly not ever by an adult. It’s just weird and for me, fashion is a huge part of my identity and I make the rules there, no one else.
So I was very confused when this guy had this idea to request not once, but three times for me to wear an LBD. Honestly, how a straight man even knows what that is is bizarre, but it was the weird sense of this expectation that took me by surprise. Why on earth did this guy, who I’d only ever met once, have this notion in his mind that I would wear exactly what he wanted me to?
It’s giving misogyny.
“I thought I was worth it.” No buddy, you’re not.
I’ve certainly gone out with my fair share of men in my time but this would have to be one of those occasions (and yup, there are many) where a guy had such a high opinion of himself that it was a case of him asking me to jump, and for him to expect me to respond “how high?”
Hell would have to freeze over first.
Our initial drink was pleasant enough but that’s where it ended. After that, he was insisting on the same bullshit of seeing me in an LBD, to come over to his place late at night, to watch my YouTube drama videos at his place at 11pm, going out again at a place that he chose for a drink at literally any day during the week, trying to call me late at night, you name it.
It was exhausting and boring.
Hell, there was even a point where he was pulling the whole “I’m a nice guy and just want to see you again” card because he was leaving town for a while. To be fair, I suggested meeting at a local pub that wasn’t too far away from where I was, because A.) it was dark, and B.) I try not to walk around on my own at night because it’s gotten me into bad situations in the past and I’m trying not to repeat that. You can read my whole Chicago mugging incident for that full run down in case you’re wondering what I’m on about.
The time rolled around to when I was supposed to meet him. Thankfully, I hadn’t decided to leave my flat yet when I saw a message from the guy in question saying that he was at another pub, presumably with friends, saying to me to come there. I said no, I would meet him at the place we had initially decided upon - as it happened, it would have to be a bit later.
An hour went by.
He said to me to come to the bar he was at, that it wasn’t too far away. When I looked, it wasn’t particularly far, but it wasn’t exactly close either.
I said no. I’m not walking there in the dark on my own, and that wasn’t the place we’d agreed upon. He then said “oh come on,” but I wasn’t about to budge. And I told him that I wasn’t about to walk on my own in the dark to this pub, especially because it seemed to me that I was simply the “second pickings” for his night out as it was clear that he was already with friends. Despite him saying that he wanted to see me before heading away, it was clear that I wasn’t the priority that evening.
And look, I’m not saying that I expect to be that for anyone. But if you’ve explicity asked me to meet up with you, then my evening/day whatever is going to be dedicated time to seeing you.
Don’t give me that bullshit saying you “want to see me before I go away” if you’re not prepared to actually make the time to catch up. For one, it’s rude and two, it’s disrespectful to the other person’s time.
Another hour went by.
He said he was going to another pub, again, not the one I had specified but yet another different spot and for me to come there.
Once again, I said no, I wasn’t going to go there. It was already too late and he’d screwed up.
And then he said the most unbelievable thing to me.
“I thought I was worth it.”
Yup, that was how I reacted upon seeing that message.
So you know what I said to him?
“Nope, no guy ever has been for me. And no way in hell would I walk alone in the dark for that.”
Forget about it.
The audacity of it all was the following day when he said to me that he would have called me an Uber and that he would see me in a few weeks when he got back from holiday.
So I decided to serve my final course to him, ice cold.
“Lol I don’t think so.”
What gives with the attitude and why do they think they can get away with it?
I’ll be the first person to say I’m far from perfect and I’m well aware of that. No one is, but it’s simply bizarre to me that throughout this whole experience, these guys had no awareness whatsoever that their actions didn’t land the way they thought they did.
As with my ex and as with this most recent guy, some part of them honestly must have thought there was nothing wrong with how they behaved and that I would be nothing more than a simp to them for another date.
Hell, I remember having a guy calling me a slut years ago and he had the audacity to then ask me out afterwards, thinking I would be completely fine with being insulted like that.
Sometimes I wonder if this is a genuine result from controversial figures such as Andrew Tate who have blown up on social media for downright misogynistic takes on women which are nothing if not damaging to the progress of women’s rights in this day and age, which let’s be honest, are still not equal in many ways and probably never will be. That’s a whole other can of worms I’m not going to dive into today, but it’s something that unfortunately is still a very pronounced issue in society.
Closing thoughts
This is something that’s gotten easier to do as I’ve gotten older, but I find that you’ve got to stand your ground and not accept bad behaviour from anyone when it happens. I don’t care what job you have, if you’re in the upper echelon of society, have a house in the Hamptons or own a private island in Fiji, you’re not above anyone else and respecting other people is the most basic thing in the world.
As for these finance bros? Yawn. They can keep their fancy suits and boys clubs. I’m done with their bullshit.